Friends and Colleagues,
Can I help you understand why 1 out of 2 people will reject you for having a different opinion today? Can I help you consider why those that reject you may get downright nasty about it?
It is an understatement to say that there is so much going on in the world. At the same time, not everyone has the ability to think deeply enough to be on the solution side of resolving today’s complex problems. While everyone’s voice is important, not everyone will be able to help to resolve today’s complex problems.
Here is a theory that is going to change your life and hopefully the way you relate to others. I hope this information will also support you in standing up for our American freedoms today and share your voice in a peaceful and respectful way, while not allowing others to bulldoze you:
Human development theory, according to Robert Kegan (The Evolving Self), claims this:
- Almost 50% of adults are operating from a grade-school or teenage level of reasoning ability
- Almost 50% of adults are operating from an adult level of reasoning ability
Please let me offer how this impacts the voices in America today.
Those approximately 25% of adults who are in adult bodies yet functioning within a grade-school level of reasoning and emotional maturity see things in a black and white manner. That means that situations are either this way or that way, right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative, etc. This plays out today when people use grade-school reasoning to see their opinion as right and your opinion as wrong. Either you agree or you are accused of _________. Fill in your blank with the negative term that has been used to describe you for having a different opinion. These adults are still reasoning at a grade-school level.
Adults who are still reasoning at the grade school level may have good information and be quite smart, but they have not reached a level of maturity where they can hold multiple concepts, even concepts that may be polar opposite, together. Growth at this reasoning level would be to consider multiple perspectives at one time in order to think more deeply. These individuals only have room in their minds for their own opinion and are not able to consider another view, or your opinion. So that is why you get the reaction.
Then there are the approximately 25% of adults who are in adult bodies yet functioning within a teenage level of reasoning and emotional maturity so they resist and rebel against authority or perceived authority as many teenagers do. That means that situations that require deferring to leadership, management, peers or others out of the interests of meeting the needs of the greater good will be resisted. This plays out today when people use teenage level reasoning to see all or most authority as wrong, abusive, out to get them, etc. Either you join them in the rebellion or you are accused of _________. Fill in your blank with the negative term that has been used for disagreeing with teenage level reasoning today.
Adults who are still reasoning at the teenager level may offer excellent points and be intelligent, but they have not reached a level of maturity where they can work through their strong emotions in the moment in order to reason and consider an alternative view. Their emotions keep them locked in to seeing only their side of the situation. Growth at this reasoning level would come with being able to control one’s thoughts, feelings and own will in order to engage with others in a peaceful way to learn, grow and expand one’s view. However, individuals get stuck at this reasoning level due to their lack of self-control and self-discipline.
Those of you reading this post who are parents, consider what it is like raising a grade-schooler or a teenager and think about how you can apply this understanding to half of our adult population.
This is not a judgement nor intended to look down on anyone or raise anyone over another person; this is a statement of fact. Therefore, as you consider the voices today, listen not only to what is being said but the tone of how it is being said to see if you can pick up on the maturity level of the individual.
Voice is power. All people are valuable and ought to be respected. All voices should be respectfully heard. But not all voices are reasonable and can be reasoned with. As you know grade-schoolers and teenagers have good ideas and their voices should be heard, but most of them don’t have the higher level of reasoning ability needed to collaborate to solve complex problems. Their black and white or rebellious thinking holds them back from being able to reason within a “grey” and complex world.
Let’s take a pause here. As you consider the voices around you, what level of reasoning ability are you at? What reasoning level are you seeing around you? Think about and observe this dynamic over the next week. Let’s have peaceful and respectful discussions, not one that demeans or disrespects others. Then let’s take our thinking deeper next week. Same time, same station.
Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:
Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA