Let’s pick up from our previous post. Men also have needs. Wives are to be like the church in surrendering to the love that Christ has for them through their husbands. The church receives Christ’s love, is filled by it, is set apart by it, is cleansed by it, and becomes radiant through it. Wives are to be open to receiving love from their husbands and be impacted by it in these ways. Husbands need submission to this love from their wives which also has to do with respect (Ephesians 4:33). To respect a man, a woman has to have a deep sense of admiration for his abilities, qualities, achievements, character and his heart. God has created men with specially designed egos to be a force in this world, and so men need their wives to look up to them for their accomplishments. Submission then becomes the yielding of one will to the will of another. A man needs a women who admires him so much that she will entrust herself to him and yield her will to his will. Therefore, it is important for a woman who is dating to intentionally choose a man who connects with her heart in such a way that she admires him and is able to entrust herself to him. Once a woman is married, it then becomes a choice to intentionally find ways to admire and entrust herself to her husband as her day to day relationship unfolds with him.

This relationship requires two persevering individuals who collaborate to manage their life together (Genesis 1:27-28). Both individuals pursue God’s leading for their hearts as their first priority. This marriage is not free from tension. In fact, there’s always tension in this marriage precisely because there are two individuals seeking God’s best direction. Yet in working out this tension and seeking together what God has for each of them, they move toward one another by displaying the fruit of the Spirit in how they discuss and debate issues. Defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt are momentary. Voices are not raised for too long before there is realization that they need to come to a lower level. Nor does anyone walk away without explaining when he or she will be back to the conversation. There’s an agreement to not use manipulation or passive aggressiveness to control one another. If this happens, it is for a moment and then realized. Confession, repair and forgiveness are pursued within hours of an incident so that bonds are not severely broken. Couples go to bed agreeing they love each other even if they need more time to ponder the best resolution. These marriages seem to be full of joy and radiance, rather than draining the life from each individual in the relationship.

Let’s move toward God’s intention for our Christian marriages. In these practical ways, we can move toward one another and reveal Christ’s love for His church to the world around us. As we do, our families, communities, churches and our society will benefit from our movement toward God and away from marital breakdown.

Question for discussion: How will this impact the way you interact with your spouse?

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

The breaking down of marriages in our country is having a devastating impact on the family, the community, the church, and society. Christian marriage is to model the loving relationship that Christ has toward His church. Therefore, broken Christian marriages imply to the world that Christ has a fragmented relationship with His church.

Paul uses the symbolism of Christ’s relationship to His church as an image for the marriage relationship. Christ is the head of the church and the church is to submit to Christ (Ephesians 4:23-24). As well, the husband is the head of the wife and the wife is to submit to her husband (Ephesians 22-24). Christ loved His church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 4:25). So also, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved His church and sacrifice for them (Ephesians 4:25). The relationship between a husband and wife is a special and mysterious portrayal of the love Christ has for His church (Ephesians 4:32).

In order to present a radiant church to our communities and impact the world for Christ, we need to increase the joy-filled Christian marriages amongst us. It appears that women can enhance their submission skills, while men can become more appealing to submit to. It seems husbands can increase their love, and wives can become more lovable. In moving toward one another in these ways, we move toward showing how Christ loves His church.

Let’s begin with husbands since they are to be the head of the wife. Christ displayed his headship through serving, suffering and sacrificing (Ephesians 4:25, Philippians 2:1-11. A man is to love his wife as himself, and he is to feed and care for her (Ephesians 4:28-29). What are a few practical ways in which men can do this? From my experiences, the majority of women hunger for spiritual and emotional connection with their spouses. A husband can talk about God with his wife, pray with his wife and family, do devotions together, encourage his wife with scripture, attend church together, get into a small group, and serve with his wife to fulfill a woman’s need for love through spiritual connection. To meet the need for emotional connection, a man can love his wife by asking her how her heart is feeling on a regular basis, listening to the events of her day, letting her talk about how she feels about their relationship, giving her eye contact and physical affection, and helping her to feel safe talking with him about anything. Most women need to feel safe with a man by having their spiritual and emotional needs met in order to feel loved in the relationship. As a wife experiences her husband’s love in these practical ways, it enables her to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him. The ability to feel safe and vulnerable is then what empowers a woman to entrust herself to her husband and submit to him.

Stay tuned for Part II in two weeks.

Question for discussion: How will this impact the way you interact with your spouse?

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

Fellow dating friends,

My guess is we all agree that we are not interested in cheaters, right?

Let’s talk about one of my more recent dates to see what we can learn together about catching a cheater… As far as I know, this is a first for me. It speaks to the increasing moral breakdown of our society when it comes to dating… and I hope we can learn together from it. That’s my goal.

I met a Christian man online. After writing for a bit and then having a phone call, he asked me to go on a date. I canceled our date when he said he wanted to bring his 9-year old son. That was not the way I wanted to meet him for the first time (or his son)!

The next six months were interesting. He was persistent. He connected now and then, letting me know he was thinking of me and wondering if I’d change my mind.” Sometimes I responded and other times I did not.

Over the next few months he continued to pursue me to let me know he wondered if God had reserved us for one another. He said he was praying a lot about us. Here is what was odd though; he didn’t seem to have time to get together because of his second job and he would get back to me when he was more available. It took him two to three months to actually plan a date. That was a flag to me and I let him know I was no longer interested and moving on.

This is where he got to me. He apologized, said he would make the relationship a priority if we connected well and he asked me to give him one date to see what God was up to. He insisted that God was prompting him and he actually made a date. We got together and enjoyed ourselves and he asked me to go out again. I was not available when he asked so I suggested another day. This also was odd; he said I took him by surprise and he would need to think about it and get back to me. The next day he did get back to me and said he would take off work the next day to have lunch with me. I said that sounded good. I also asked him for his last name but he did not respond on two occasions. This also seemed odd. I let him know I was uncomfortable with not having his last name. He made a joke, said it was a fun adventure and that he would give it to me over lunch. I said to him that I was concerned and not having fun. He sent his last name.

When I looked him up, I found all sorts of picture of him on Facebook with a woman, and I found the same on her Facebook page. I let him know that I saw the pictures and he said they were just friends and he still hung out with her. I said that they looked like more than friends, that I didn’t want to get in the middle of their relationship, and that I was canceling our date. He said he would not contact me again. I confronted him on his bad behavior and let him know I would make this known to his pastor to hold him accountable.

Here is what I learned, see if it helps you:

• A lack of availability is a cause for a pause; someone who is available and interested will want to get together sooner than later
• A push/pull is a cause for a pause; look for consistency, not hot and cold
• A disconnect between someone’s words and actions is a cause for a pause; when the person is expressing interest and that God is in this but not following through with getting together, something is not right
• A withholding of information is a cause for pause; get a last name on the first date or sooner then look do your research. In this online world of dating, this is wise
• Address bad behavior for your own mental and emotional health and potentially for the mental and emotional health of others; don’t be a victim of bad behavior and don’t hide from addressing it. Create a better world by speaking the truth in love and with respect when you experience bad behavior

What have you learned from my story or from your own similar stories? Let’s help each other grow by sharing our learning together in a positive way to move forward

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

In Dr. Jeanine Parolini’s explanation of the I in SEXI, she discusses the importance of common interests to keep the relationship fresh and alive. Developing common interests over the long haul in a relationship also leads to a fulfilling romance and is part of a passionate sex life. Let’s put the important time into developing common interests rather that moving too quickly into hooking up within a surface relationship.

Watch the Video Below

Question for reflection: What are the key common interests that you would like to share in a relationship to keep it fresh, alive, fulfilling and romantic?

For further information see: https://www.jeanineparolini.com/ or https://www.jeanineparolini.com/dating-and-relating/

In this 4th video of the series, Dr. Jeanine Parolini discusses the importance of communication and chemistry in Christian dating and in developing a real relationship. A spiritual and emotional connection, along with good communication and chemistry, are what support a long term passionate sexual relationship. This is quite different than what is going on in today’s dating world where surface relationships quickly turn into sexual relationships that end up hurting more than helping couples. Let’s put the time and effort in to develop something more real and fulfilling than that!

Watch the Video Below

Question for reflection: What do you think of the connection between communication and chemistry and how will you watch out for them with your future dates?

For further information see: https://www.jeanineparolini.com/ or https://www.jeanineparolini.com/dating-and-relating/

Dr. Jeanine Parolini continues to explain her SEXI model of Christian dating by discussing the E. She shares how to develop and assure there is an emotional connection to establish a healthy, safe, and trusting relationship, which goes beyond today’s surface and hook up relationships.

Watch the Video Below

Question for reflection: What do you need from your partner to feel emotionally connected and how will you go about assessing it with future dates?

For further information see: https://www.jeanineparolini.com/ or https://www.jeanineparolini.com/dating-and-relating/

Dr. Jeanine Parolini explains the S in her SEXI model of Christian dating which represents developing a spiritual connection around a common set of values. The spiritual aspect of a relationship impacts all areas of the relationship. At the heart level, most human beings want to feel safety and trust in relationships which requires a level of common values and morals. This is needed to develop a real relationship. Yet our dating world has become completely the opposite with surface level relationships, deception and quick hook ups.

Watch the Video Below

Question for reflection: How important is the spiritual aspect of a relationship to you, and how will you go about checking it out with future dates?

For further information see: https://www.jeanineparolini.com/ or https://www.jeanineparolini.com/dating-and-relating/

Dr. Jeanine Parolini introduces her Christian dating model based upon her research that involves developing a real relationship inclusive of connecting spiritually, emotionally, with good communication and chemistry, and in common interests. Protect your heart from the pain of surface relationships and quick hook ups in order to develop a real relationship and true love.

Watch the Video Below

Question for reflection: What is your initial response to the SEXI model? How can it help you as you date?